The CragBaby

Yesterday I made one of the wisest, yet hardest, choices of my life. I have cut ties with my biological family and am starting a new life, a new family that consists of just me.

Perhaps this sounds harsh to some of you who come from loving families, but my situation was anything but conducive to my emotional well-being. Firstly, though, let me note that my biological family has many traits and aspects of which I admire. For instance:

• When all the sisters get together it is a great time filled with jokes and humor.
• My father is well educated and I respect his viewpoints on a variety of subjects from books to life outlooks. He has always supported me emotionally in my schooling and career.
• My mother has gone back to school and has amazed me with her determination, capturing a spot as the valedictorian of her class.
• I have always been grateful that my mother pushed me to compete in piano performance as it is a talent that I will always be able to fall back on.
• Barbara has amazed me through her perseverance of extremely rough times as her husband finished medical school and she raised a family while running a business.
• Barbara is an excellent mother. She raises her kids in the most loving manner.
• The year I took off school to live with Barbara and help with her kids was one of the best years of my life as I thoroughly enjoyed the time I was able to spend with her children.
• Jamie’s ability to attract people through her smile and friendliness is something I have never been able to master.
• This past year Laura has amazed me on a variety of levels, which I referenced in an earlier blog post.
• My brother Jordan is getting ready to serve his mission and I know he will do a great job. I am also impressed by his drum skills and driven nature to create the first drum line in the local highschool.

That being said and even with all their great qualities, they are completely incapable of communication and have never learned control over their words. I know that I don’t deserve to be called a “crazy bitch”. I know that it is out of line for someone, even a family member, to tell me that I need to kill myself and try to physically fight me. I know that when someone does an act out of line, an apology is in order and that I don’t need to just accept their actions. I know that I am a person worth loving. And I know that if anyone else in the world would have done and said the things these people have, I would and should have let go a long time ago.

So I cut the ties.

Sure enough, I was instantly bad mouthed. To be honest, I love it. I love it because it is vindication, proof that I made the right decision. Their harsh words motivate me to be a better person, to kick ass in my job, life, volunteer, hobbies, etc. It motivates me to surround myself with positive rather than negative.

I love my family as human beings, but I deserve to be treated well. I deserve to be loved. I deserve for someone to be proud of me.

This weekend I am going to brainstorm goals and values that my new family will live by. I am real excited about this new opportunity. All the past years are lost and I can’t get them back, but I have learned a lot. Going forward I can create an environment that provides me with exactly what I deserve. I no longer will have these “christians” in my life and I wish them the best. But, the best for me is without them.

Perhaps this is a personal matter that will scare off any readers of this blog. But the truth is, this is who I am. I strive to be a good person and I am happy.

an interesting day. the level of dishonesty in some people amazes me. christians. the ones I know don’t seem to understand that values are usually attached to that noun. all that matters in today’s society is ones self, not minding if others are crushed on the way. they proclaim their christianity while lying and spitting in one’s face.

bummer days mean I need to focus on gratitude. today i am grateful for:

• independence
• perseverance
• determination

having steam to blow off isn’t bad. perhaps the end result is strength.

[Edit: I know I offended Doughy by this post, so am adding a disclaimer. This post is about a niche group of Christians, not all Christians or Mormons or anything else as a whole. I was basically blowing off some steam concerning a personal situation. Sorry Doughy... please still be my friend.]

This past week was a little volatile for me and filled with a handful of bummer days, which is out of the ordinary. In hindsight, I believe there were just many variables all colliding within the same week. However, during the bummer week I had five friends who just went out of their way to help me out, to which I wanted to say thank you.

• One day I came home from work and noticed a package in the mail. I looked at the stamp and noticed the British pound symbol and instantly smiled. Inside was a fantastic cd and the best card, sent as a late birthday present from my British Team Buddha friends.
• The next day was yet another struggle, but once again I came home to find surprises awaiting in the mail. I had a new Cheyenne cd from my friend Harper in New York and a big box full of cereal from my good friend Sam (the cereal being an inside joke).
• Shaft and I went out to a symphony on Friday. I always know the program prior to attending, but this night was an exception where we had gotten tickets last minute, not being able to read up on the show prior to attendance. To our surprise, it was a light-hearted performance of family fun music and a magician. With anyone else the show might have seemed silly, but since I was with Shaft I could laugh out loud and thoroughly enjoy the illusions.
• My friend Sam was in the Salt Lake area this weekend. On Saturday we went to a play and enjoyed some supper afterwards. The night was fantastic because we had the chance to just chat openly about life, fears, hopes, etc. I find conversations with Sam to be refreshing.
• Mr. Math left me a kind note and some delicious cookies, which made me smile.

Thanks everyone. I appreciated your kind gestures.

A crew of us headed to St. George this last weekend to throw up some ropes on the sandstone and basalt. As Salt Lake was getting hit with rain, we were basking in the sun’s warmth.

GRK, blue-eyed Amy, and Biner Ben

Ms. Pear joined us on Sunday for climbing in the Black Rocks.

Greg took a handful of non-climbing shots that I really liked. Here is blue-eyed Amy belaying.

Me and Shaft.

Biner Ben.

The CB-GBers basking and keeping a one-eye watch.